I walked back out of the small store with a twenty four block of beers and stuck them in the backseat. Shutting the door, I closed my eyes and wondered if I should just go back home and talk about this with her. She told me that I was the one she chose, but for so long, I thought that was my baby, part of me and now to have all of that taken away with one sentence ... I didn't think I could actually look at her tonight. I'd be back tomorrow, possibly, I wasn't sure, I didn't know. And now Spike was in the front seat of my car and I had to find out why they kept it from me this whole time. He could have at least told me right? He should have told me. Should have! But, he didn't and I was almost tempted to just say forget it. I guess part of me just didn't want to know. Alot of me didnt' want to know. But the small, scarce part wanted to know it all. Probably so I could just think about it and feel sorry for myself. I think I have that right, I should. I'm the guilty party, er, one person or something and now, I really needed to get out of here because standing in a parking lot? So not making anything better.
Opening the door, I got in the front seat and reached for my keys, turning the car on. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at Spike. He wasn't even looking at me. Oh, is that guilt! GOOD! Shaking my head, I pulled out and then into traffic. First hotel I saw, I was pulling in.
A few minutes of nothing but silence passed until I actually made a noise, actually, a letting out of a breath and kept my eyes on the road. It was as if I was alone in the car, Spike didn't make any noises, he was dead. Couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. Anything but keep secrets. Important secrets, secrets that I should have known about, but nope. They kept it all from me.
I saw a hotel coming up and I pulled in. Spike got out as well and lit up a cigarette while I went inside, getting myself a room. About ten minutes later, I walked back out and Spike was standing there, drinking a beer and gave me a look.
"Think I was goin' to pass it up?" He asked and looked at me sadly, or what seemed like it before turning around and grabbing the rest of the beer. I didn't even bring clothes. Then again, I didn't plan for this to happen. Didn't take us long to get into the room. I grabbed the beer and stuffed as much as I could into the fridge before grabbing one for myself and opening it. I sat down on the bed and he sat on the small desk they had in the room.
Felt like it was quiet forever, we didn't say anything, I just sat there, thinking about what she could be doing right now. She didn't seem that happy to see Wes, actually, not happy at all. I was worried about that. Worried and in the end ... she fucked me over. Fucked me over and like stepped on me. Crossing an arm over my chest, I just sat there. I couldn't even think of any words to say.
All I knew was that I thought I found something with Faith that I've always wanted with anyone, even her, but really? I never thought it would happen with her. This was all too good to be true and we were too happy. Too fucking happy and now this. Why did Spike have to tell her that ... we didn't? Why couldn't he just keep it all a secret? Glancing up, I tilted my chin and finished off the beer before tossing it in the trash and I got up, getting myself another one.
"Why did you have to tell Faith that ... we didn't. Couldn't see that we were happy? I ... thought we were," I asked him and stood there in front of him as I opened my beer, tossing the cap in the trash. He set his beer down and shrugged, crossing his arms as he sat there. "Think she had a right, everyone has a right to know ... well, not everyone see, but she did. What she did with the information was up to her."
"What about me? Don't you think that I should have known!? I mean, we ... she ... pregnant! Child! I thought was mine and now ... now she's not and how ..." Shaking my head, I sat back down on the bed and just leaned forward, trying to make sense of it all. I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid that if I did, I'd just break down and I didn't want to do that. We didn't say anything much more that night and Spike eventually asked if he could stay. Guess he didn't have anywhere else to go. I let him lay down and he turned on the tv. I left him alone and went out on the balcony and just thought.
All night long.