Xander L. Harris (puffy_xander) wrote in power_play,
Xander L. Harris
puffy_xander
power_play

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It seems like such fun until you lose what you have won

I had to leave and that's what I did, I didn't know where I was going, but I had to admit, the thought of getting slap, sobbing drunk was getting more and more appealing. Which was what I was going to do. Fuck AA whatever it is right now. I didn't care, I needed something to just make the pain stop. How could she do this to me? I mean, come on, I would have given her anything and she just ... took it all away. My hopes, my dreams the fact that I didn't turn out like my father. But really? I was just like him because I was heading straight to a bar. I didn't care, not right now. I think I deserved it. All those times ... and I guess I couldn't really blame Wes either. I couldn't because he is the actual father. I didn't know what it was like to be in his shoes. To be the father, but then not knowing because the woman didn't want you to be the father and her lying to the guy that she wanted and ... it's all so confusing, yet it wasn't. Faith was a liar. I wasn't sure if I should be at least flattered that she told me I was the father. No, I wasn't. I wasn't at all because she built me up so high only to kick me in the gut and knock me over in the end. I wasn't sure if I'd ever forgive her for this. I was so happy, so happy and now? Now I felt like shit.

Pulling into the nearest bar, I got out of the car and slammed it shut, not caring if it fell apart. Why wouldn't it anyway? Everything else does. Pushing the door open, I looked around before heading straight to the front part and sitting down and looking toward the bartender as he was helping someone else. Running a hand through my hair, I wondered if I could actually do this. One drink, maybe two. Possibly three. Or ten.

"What can I get ya?" He asked and looked at me curiously before I just shrugged. "Miller, longneck." What can I say? I was never a fan of the hard stuff, even though I should be. Right now would be the perfect time, but eh ... I just needed to think.

He uncapped the beer and slid it over and I wrapped my hand around it before bringing it to my lips and taking a sip. This is what I needed. Setting it back down on the bartop, I just sat there, my head hung low and shook my head.

I can't believe she did this to me. Was this my fault somehow? Did I do something? I don't think I did, for once, I am not the trouble maker! I'm not and ... I couldn't be around people. Grabbing my wallet, I pulled out a five and laid it down before grabbing my beer and walking out back to the car. Where the hell was I going to go? Well, first to the corner store so I could get some beer and hopefully forget about the girl that just broke my heart and did the mexican hat dance on it. If she ... even knew what that was, but whatever.

Getting in my car, I started it up and pulled out, heading to the nearest store. I, in the meantime, drank the rest of my beer and tossed the bottle in the backseat before pulling in. Narrowing my eyes, I saw who was coming out of the store and everything inside of me just clenched. He knew the whole time and he didn't tell me. Instead, him and Faith just kept this lie going on and on and on. He saw me and smiled before walking over to the car. I got out and shut it, watching him as he lit up a cigarette.

"Where's the Mrs.?" He asked and I just shrugged before looking at the store. "At home. With the father of her baby," I sighed and looked back at him, narrowing my eyes.

Yep, he knew. I knew he knew because he made that face that meant that he knew. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him and wanted to hit and hurt him, but really ... I guess I couldn't. There were things that I've done in my past ... and still! This had to do with my baby...well, Wes' baby now, but still.

"Don't think this is the place to be talkin' about this Harris," he said and crushed out his smoke. He was right, in front of a convenience store wasn't really ... civil. "Get in the car, I'm getting a block, I'll be back out," I said and walked inside, getting what I came for. Twenty for heartache drinks that were supposed to make me feel better.
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