Dawn Summers (womansized) wrote in power_play,
Dawn Summers
womansized
power_play

I'll follow you into the dark

I should have known that Buffy wouldn't understand. I mean, how could she understand that someone might actually want to be with me over her? It wasn't even like she liked Connor. I couldn't tell who she liked anymore considering anytime she did find someone she always kept it really quiet like some big secret that no one was cool enough to know about but her. Even her relationship with Brandon was all quiet until I walked in on the two of them all snuggled up together. Speaking of Brandon I hadn't seen him around in a really long time and I thought he might have been one of the one's who were hurt during the whole dragon killing all of my friends thing. It was hard to keep track who actually got hurt in that fight and who didn't. Mostly? All of the slayers died except for Buffy and Faith and Kennedy too. Besides that most everybody was okay, just a few people who got knocked around here and there. Then there was me who hid like a big scaredy cat in the closet while one of the slayer's rushed in to defend me and got herself killed.

See! I went into the Hyperion for like thirty minutes and I was already severely depresso gal just thinking about what life used to be like there before I'd moved in with The Dingos. At least Brandon might be an almost explanation as to why Buffy was a total bitch to me when she saw my new car. She said it was because me and Connor were moving too fast but I knew it had nothing to do with that. Okay, maybe it had a little to do with that. Connor and I had been moving really fast but I couldn't help it. He was just so cute and nice, and he understood me in a way that no one else had ever understood me before. Most importantly? He actually noticed me. Paid attention to me. Cared about me. I knew that my sister cared about me too but she just always had so many other things to think about. I usually came somewhere around last on her list of priorities.

At least Giles smiled and oohed and ahhhed over my new car just like I knew he would. He really didn't say ooh and aah but I bet he wanted to! We had tea and he actually sort of paid attention to me when I was talking about stuff and then when he wasn't looking? I stole a couple of his books. okay, I could have just been honest about everything and told him that I needed to borrow them but then I'd have to tell Connor's secret and I didn't want to have to do that. Besides, didn't everyone expect me to steal anyway? I was the Kleptomaniac when no one was paying attention to me. When the police called my sister at four in the morning because they realized I'd been stealing then she would have to pay attention to me. Not that I really stole anything anymore. Except Giles' books. I wondered if he'd notice.

I spent most of the next few days hanging out with Devon and his friends like usual, and driving around in my pretty new car. When the parties got all wild and stuff in the other room I'd close myself up in my room and pour over the books. Everything I could find on the gypsy curse binding Angel's soul inside of his body. The text left a lot of room for interpretation especially since I was pretty sure Connor didn't have the same exact curse. He didn't lose his soul over perfect happiness because the happiness clause was specific to Angel. There wasn't really a good way of researching that since it'd just happened but I just had to take his word for it. The other alternative was that I just wasn't good and I couldn't give him happiness like Buffy had given Angel. That explanation hurt alot but it made more sense to me as I poured over the small print in front of me.

I slept alot too and I didn't know if that was because I was depressed or because I really didn't have anything else to do. I thought about getting a job or maybe trying to find a way to finish school. My high school had kind've disappeared into a crater in the ground and now I was a high school dropout. Great. Now I was on the same level with Faith. Maybe we can be best friends now. I bet she wouldn't give me a lot of crap for driving a shiny new car around like Buffy would. Maybe I should just stay away from slayers for a really long time.

Connor had disappeared for a few days too, only leaving one message on my voicemail saying that he had some things to do and that I should hang tight. Hang tight to what? I knew he would come back so I wasn't worried about it. At least not a lot because hadn't Connor proven to me that I could trust him? He always kept his word and I believed him. I had no reason not to. Besides, the idea that he was bored with me already was too depressing to think about.

It wasn't until I woke up feeling so sick one morning that I couldn't stand it that I really started to think about it. The things I'd done since I moved out from under Buffy's watchful eye. As I poured the contents of my stomach out into the toilet I thought about something that could be wrong. Very very wrong. When I'd slept with Connor we hadn't...I mean, I knew about birth control and stuff like that because I'd had Health class before Sunnydale High fell into the ground but, I'd been so drunk and we...we hadn't used any and now...oh God. It'd been a long time since I'd last had my period and now I was pregnant. I was really pregnant. Oh God. What was I gonna do? I was gonna be like one of those girls that lived in a trailer park and had no father to her baby and had to live off of food stamps and wears curlers in her hair and walks around barefoot. Oh God. Buffy was gonna kill me.

Trying to hold the tears at bay I picked up my phone and dialed Connor's number. Please please pick up. I need you now.
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