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Two points for honesty [18 Sep 2005|12:20am]

I left Dawn at the apartment and hauled ass back to my house in the valley. I needed to drink some virgin blood from the fridge, take a shower to get the smell of Dawn off me (no need to have Daddy thinking about her), and change clothes before I called my father to have him meet me at the house. Maybe he could just bring me a virgin to snack on. It's always better fresh from the source.

All I could think about was the fact Dawn was pregnant and it had to be my kid. No way could Spike have knocked her up. He was just a common vampire who happened to luck out by being sired by someone from the Aurelian line. I was the natural born child of Darla and Angelus and had been turned by my father. Clearly I was more special and besides it was in my genes, right? Daddy was able to get Mom pregnant when they were both vampires.

I had big plans for Dawn and our child. Nothing but the best and no one was going to take the baby from us. Maybe I should eliminate all the possible threats before they even had a chance to find out I had a son or daughter that would be born. I could just tie them all up and shove them into a portal to Quor'toth. Not that I'm bitter or anything of course.

When I pulled up to my place I was surprised to see my dad's car in the driveway. There was blood on the driveway next to the car so obviously something had went down. I sniffed the air but I couldn't catch enough of a scent until I walked into the house. Cordy. I could smell her and I smiled. Daddy must have brought Mommy home to play. Nice. We'd all be one big family once I broke the news about Dawn and the baby to the old man.

"Daddy?" I called out, as I locked the door and made my way into the living room where my father was sitting. He looked smug. Real smug. Like the cat that ate the canary and I'm thinking the canary's name was Mommy.

"I planned to call and ask you to come over so we could catch up, but I guess you had the same idea? Cordelia still alive or are you just waiting for her to rise again?" I asked as I flopped down on the couch next to him.

(Open to my daddy)
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[12 Sep 2005|02:28pm]

Rolling over, my eyes opened suddenly when I realized the sun was coming straight in and blinding me. What the hell? I sat up and quickly got out of the bed, holding onto my head as I got up and closed the blinds. My head was pounding and gee, that could be because I drank myself into a beer induced coma last night? Probably. Wiping my eyes, I stared around the room and wondered where Spike went off too, of course that was until I heard movement in the closet. Eh, just leave him there. Sat back down on the bed and tried to figure out what I should do. I wondered how Faith was at the moment and I wanted to call, but I wasn't going to. I didn't want to hear that her and Wes are going to raise this baby and now it was bye bye Xander. Just because that baby is technically Wes' ... I ... I don't know what I should do.

Things are changing too fast for me, I'm more of a sticking kind of guy but this? This was mind blowing and I didn't know what I should do. Should I go home, beg her to take me back for even leaving? No, of course not. For once they should be begging me back! Faith should anyway, I'm tired of being the one to beg. But, all I knew was that we were married and all I wanted was her. Even if the baby wasn't mine.

I saw the way she looked at Wes and now I'm kicking myself in the ass. I should have stayed. Should have stayed with her. Glanced over at the phone before laying back on the bed. I'd wait. Until tonight so I could see her. And besides, Spike couldn't go anywhere right now. Daylight.


"So are we goin' then?" Spike asked and I looked at myself in the mirror. Right now it was now or never and besides, if I had Spike there with me? She'd take it all out on him and not me. I could do this. I wanted her back and this was how it was going to be.

"Yeah," I said and then grabbed my keys and wallet before we both walked out of the door and back down to the car.

The ride didn't take too long. I parked outside of the apartment building and took a few deep breaths.

"Oh please, Harris. Just get this over with. Sure everythin' will work out in the end, yes?" He asked and got out of the car so he could light up a smoke. I just shook my head and got out before going inside the apartment building. I walked slowly up the stairs and wondered what was about to happen. Would she even want me back? I wasn't sure. I knew I wanted her back no matter what. She ... she knew what she was to me and I just wanted that feeling back. When I opened the door and walked inside, I frowned though. It was so quiet. Moving from room to room, I stopped in the hallway and then it all sank in. She left.

I heard footsteps and then Spike walked in, looking around. We shared a look and I kicked the wall before walking back to the living room and sitting down.

"She's gone," I said quietly and held my head down. What the hell was I going to do now?
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[12 Sep 2005|11:06am]

[ mood | angry ]

The sun is getting ready to go down. I really don't want to see what Connor's coming back with this time. Food would be good. Even with the taste of his blood roaring in my head I feel the pinch of hunger way too soon. It's not even daylight when my stomach growls.

The girl had calmed down some by that point. There's only so long you can work yourself into a frenzy of fear before you have to sleep. And she'd spent hours waiting for me to pounce on her but she'd finally relaxed. I took the gag off as soon as Connor was away, I knew how sound proofed this place was and I wasn't sitting around all day with my mouth taped shut.

She'd cried when I'd taken the gag off. I finally made her take hers off to tell me why. I think she was fairly sure I wasn't ready to eat her by this point.

"He'll punish me. You took if off and he'll punish me for it." her voice was barely a whisper but she was right. Connor wouldn't punish me for it, he'd take it out on her. She was shaking with fear of him and now of me again.

"I'll put in on before he comes back. He won't be here till dark." that seemed to reassure her. "What's your name?"

"Mary." again that tiny whisper.

"I'm Oz. I'm sorry." And that was an end to the talking. When she finally calmed down I was able to sleep some myself. I woke up from dreaming about Connor feeding on Dawn to find Mary had curled up against me in her sleep seeking warmth and comfort. I wish I had some to give. She's in here with me she's dead and just doesn't know it yet. And if I'm not careful I'm going to be a monster like Connor before too long. The only plan I can come up with to get out of here is to get on his good side. But that just doesn't seem like an option. Either way people die. Only thing is right now he's the one causing them to be put in that situation. If I try to get on his good side they'll be on my concience.

I don't know what to do.

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I'll follow you into the dark [12 Sep 2005|03:24am]

I should have known that Buffy wouldn't understand. I mean, how could she understand that someone might actually want to be with me over her? It wasn't even like she liked Connor. I couldn't tell who she liked anymore considering anytime she did find someone she always kept it really quiet like some big secret that no one was cool enough to know about but her. Even her relationship with Brandon was all quiet until I walked in on the two of them all snuggled up together. Speaking of Brandon I hadn't seen him around in a really long time and I thought he might have been one of the one's who were hurt during the whole dragon killing all of my friends thing. It was hard to keep track who actually got hurt in that fight and who didn't. Mostly? All of the slayers died except for Buffy and Faith and Kennedy too. Besides that most everybody was okay, just a few people who got knocked around here and there. Then there was me who hid like a big scaredy cat in the closet while one of the slayer's rushed in to defend me and got herself killed.

See! I went into the Hyperion for like thirty minutes and I was already severely depresso gal just thinking about what life used to be like there before I'd moved in with The Dingos. At least Brandon might be an almost explanation as to why Buffy was a total bitch to me when she saw my new car. She said it was because me and Connor were moving too fast but I knew it had nothing to do with that. Okay, maybe it had a little to do with that. Connor and I had been moving really fast but I couldn't help it. He was just so cute and nice, and he understood me in a way that no one else had ever understood me before. Most importantly? He actually noticed me. Paid attention to me. Cared about me. I knew that my sister cared about me too but she just always had so many other things to think about. I usually came somewhere around last on her list of priorities.

At least Giles smiled and oohed and ahhhed over my new car just like I knew he would. He really didn't say ooh and aah but I bet he wanted to! We had tea and he actually sort of paid attention to me when I was talking about stuff and then when he wasn't looking? I stole a couple of his books. okay, I could have just been honest about everything and told him that I needed to borrow them but then I'd have to tell Connor's secret and I didn't want to have to do that. Besides, didn't everyone expect me to steal anyway? I was the Kleptomaniac when no one was paying attention to me. When the police called my sister at four in the morning because they realized I'd been stealing then she would have to pay attention to me. Not that I really stole anything anymore. Except Giles' books. I wondered if he'd notice.

I spent most of the next few days hanging out with Devon and his friends like usual, and driving around in my pretty new car. When the parties got all wild and stuff in the other room I'd close myself up in my room and pour over the books. Everything I could find on the gypsy curse binding Angel's soul inside of his body. The text left a lot of room for interpretation especially since I was pretty sure Connor didn't have the same exact curse. He didn't lose his soul over perfect happiness because the happiness clause was specific to Angel. There wasn't really a good way of researching that since it'd just happened but I just had to take his word for it. The other alternative was that I just wasn't good and I couldn't give him happiness like Buffy had given Angel. That explanation hurt alot but it made more sense to me as I poured over the small print in front of me.

I slept alot too and I didn't know if that was because I was depressed or because I really didn't have anything else to do. I thought about getting a job or maybe trying to find a way to finish school. My high school had kind've disappeared into a crater in the ground and now I was a high school dropout. Great. Now I was on the same level with Faith. Maybe we can be best friends now. I bet she wouldn't give me a lot of crap for driving a shiny new car around like Buffy would. Maybe I should just stay away from slayers for a really long time.

Connor had disappeared for a few days too, only leaving one message on my voicemail saying that he had some things to do and that I should hang tight. Hang tight to what? I knew he would come back so I wasn't worried about it. At least not a lot because hadn't Connor proven to me that I could trust him? He always kept his word and I believed him. I had no reason not to. Besides, the idea that he was bored with me already was too depressing to think about.

It wasn't until I woke up feeling so sick one morning that I couldn't stand it that I really started to think about it. The things I'd done since I moved out from under Buffy's watchful eye. As I poured the contents of my stomach out into the toilet I thought about something that could be wrong. Very very wrong. When I'd slept with Connor we hadn't...I mean, I knew about birth control and stuff like that because I'd had Health class before Sunnydale High fell into the ground but, I'd been so drunk and we...we hadn't used any and now...oh God. It'd been a long time since I'd last had my period and now I was pregnant. I was really pregnant. Oh God. What was I gonna do? I was gonna be like one of those girls that lived in a trailer park and had no father to her baby and had to live off of food stamps and wears curlers in her hair and walks around barefoot. Oh God. Buffy was gonna kill me.

Trying to hold the tears at bay I picked up my phone and dialed Connor's number. Please please pick up. I need you now.
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[10 Sep 2005|11:21am]

[ mood | devious ]

cont. from here

I smirked madly as her hips arched up against my questing fingers and her voice barely came out above a hoarse moan telling me it had been too long. Angel was always one to neglect the women most important in his life, always giving time to the werewolves and demented little messengers sent by Wolfram & Hart. He had a fine piece right in front of him and he brooded half the time he was around her when he could be doing things like I was doing now. My fingertip gently stroked across a sensitive bundle of nerves that shot her hips off the desk violently. She was warm and delicious and I planned on taking my time with her and screw the fact that someone might come in, that'd only add to the kink value. A little bit of kink every now and then all the time really in my case never hurt anyone and apparently Cordelia Chase was totally enjoying it.

"For a woman so worried about someone coming in." I murmured against the warm hollow of her throat as my fingers continued to stroke against her hungry need. I could barely hold myself back from just pressing between her thighs and ramming myself inside her so deep her eyes would roll up in her head and leave you wondering if they'd return. Her hips were still lifting and falling against my hand and her breath was coming in ragged gasps and high pitches. I pulled my fingers from inside her panties and climbed off the desk watching her carefully, her desperate eyes wondering what I was doing why I was leaving her there. I ran my hands up her thighs and watched as they disappeared under her skirt that was already bunched up high enough for a good view, fingertips hooked around the edges of her panties and slowly I pulled them off from her.

"Not so worried anymore are you?" I whispered as I gently pulled her down the desk toward me. She really was a delicious little thing and I was about to discover it for my own. I had managed somehow between pulling her down the desk and her thighs squeezing tightly at my hips to undo my pants, my need ever present as I pressed my way deep inside her. She was going to be mine in more ways than one, she could be my firework finale as she disappeared from the sight of the gang. I could take her from them, take her far away and make her dark and wicked like me. Wouldn't they be so upset? Who the fuck cared I thought as my fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as I began thrusting my way in and out of her tortorously slow. This was Heaven I decided and even though I'd never get to appreciate Heaven? Cordelia Chase would suffice.

[open to Cordelia and eventually Faithy and her tasty little baby]

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[08 Sep 2005|02:11pm]

[ mood | worried ]

I guess I should have expected that Connor would be upset with me for not finding him right after I got brought back. Truth was, I was trying to give Angel time to tell him I was back. That was one of his little rules for bringing me back. That he got to handle Connor. Well, I was alright with that, but I wasn't going to sit back and totally cut myself out of the boy's life. I wanted to see him and make sure he was alright. Needed to talk to him about his mama too.

I followed the directions and was surprised to see so much security outside. Guess Angel was more comfortable throwing the firm's money around now. I was a little surprised the Senior Partners were okay with this, but they must of had their reasons. There was an army of new cars in the drive way. Looked like Angel was spoiling Connor rotten. Must be trying to make sure that Connor didn't feel too upset about his mother having another baby on the way or he was trying to make sure Connor wanted to stay with him instead of moving in with Darla and me.

I knocked on the door and Connor called out that it was open. I found him sitting in the living room watching tv. He barely even looked up at me. Okay. Obviously he was pretty upset with me.

"Hey Con, you look good." It was a lame greeting but I wasn't sure what else to say. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah you too. Death agrees with you. What did you want to see me about? I'm kind of tired and want to get back to bed."

I took a seat in a chair across from the couch where he was sitting. He did look tired, but this was important so I wasn't about to leave just yet. "I was giving your dad time to tell you I was back. He wanted to be the one to break the news to you."

"Yeah. I asked Mom to bring you back but she couldn't be bothered. Guess Dad must be more fond of you."

His tone was cruel and the look in his eyes made me uneasy. Never saw him this angry with me before. Not even when he got his memories back and realized the part I had played in his the lies his father created for him.

"Your mother understands how hard it is for a person when they are brought back. She didn't want to put me through it. I'm sorry I wasn't here when things got so messed up for you. I heard about Lily and Eliza.." My words were cut off when he jumped off the couch and glared at me. "Connor."

"Don't Connor me and don't tell me you're sorry. Sorry doesn't change anything!" He said in a bitter voice that bordered on yelling. "You left me. They left me. Everyone had to die on the same night and no one wanted to bring any of you back. I tried. I tried and I got the wrong girl back and now you're back well it's too late. I don't need you anymore. I don't you or Mom so go back and deal with your new kid."

I stood up and attempted to cross the room towards him, but he grabbed a lamp and hurled it in my direction, his aim off just enough to make it clear he didn't intend to hit me. "Calm down and stop acting this way." I said in a stern voice that made him roll his eyes at me. "Connor. The new baby isn't going to change how your mama and I feel about you. We love you. We miss you."

"Yeah. I'm sure you do. Look, I am trying to deal with the shit that has happened and Dad is working on our relationship. Right now that is all I can handle. I'm glad you're back and I'm sure in a couple of weeks I'll be ready to have dinner with you and Mom and we can pretend to be a happy family. Right now, I just can't. I need some space and I need to adjust to the fact that you're back and she is pregnant, okay? Can't you guys just leave me the hell alone and give me some time to deal?"

There was desperation in his eyes and I couldn't push him on this. Not when it was clear that Connor was still fragile. I knew the things that he'd done since everything fell apart. I didn't want to push him into hurting himself or someone else again. I nodded my head and walked towards the door.

"I love you, Connor. If you need anything, call me or your mother anytime. We'll be there."

"Yeah. Just." He paused, and looked up at me with unreadable eyes. "Tell Mom that I love her and I'll call her soon, okay? Thanks."

I smiled at that. Darla would be happy to get the message, but I wasn't sure if she would believe it until she heard it from Connor. "Give her a call soon. She really misses you and you know she worries. Take care, Connor."

I was pretty sure I understood why the security was there now. Angel must be worried sick the boy was going to snap and hurt himself. I knew I felt better knowing people were around to keep an eye on him. I got into my car and decided to go home and see Darla to fill her in on the visit before heading back to the office.

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[08 Sep 2005|02:03pm]

[ mood | annoyed ]

I was in a good mood when I got back to the house just before sunrise. It was a little early to try and call Dawn, so I decided to grab a shower and get some sleep. A few hours later I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. When I checked the caller ID I groaned. Lindsey. I so wasn't ready to deal with him yet, but Daddy said I needed to keep up the image that everything was normal.

"Hello." I said, keeping my tone neutral. I wasn't sure why he was calling other than to announce hey I'm not dead anymore, but it was still weird. Nice of him to finally get around to calling. Guess he was too busy taking care of Mom and the new baby.

"Connor. Hey. I've been leaving you messages at school, but I guess you decided not to go back." He sounded disappointed I didn't go back to college. Oh fucking well. I had a lot of shit to deal with you know with everyone dying and stuff. Besides, I had a sun allergy now and school was no longer my thing.

"Yeah, well my girlfriend, best friend and Uncle died so I figured I was due to take the semester off. Dad said you were back but you didn't call so I wasn't sure what was going on."

It was pretty clear that I was annoyed, but that was being normal just like Dad had asked. I should probably check in with Daddy soon. Maybe he would decide it's time for me to eat Uncle Lindsey, Mom and the others. Not that I really wanted to kill my mother or even Lindsey for that matter. The baby...I wasn't sure what I felt about the baby yet. It wasn't fair they were having a new kid though.

"Listen, Con, can I see you? I'd much rather have this conversation in person. I know you gotta be upset with me, but I have missed you. Where can I find you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not sure I'm ready to see you yet." I said stubbornly. It wasn't like I expected him to concede though. He was just as stubborn as I was.

"Connor, it's important. Where are you staying?"

"Dad set me up in a house that the firm uses for clients sometimes." I gave him the address and hung up the phone when he said he was on his way. At least the windows wouldn't tip him off that anything had changed with me, but I had a feeling he'd be surprised to see so much security outside. Whatever. I could explain that. I could explain everything. It was so easy to lie now that I didn't have a soul or a conscience.

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[06 Sep 2005|12:04am]

[ mood | morose ]

The Aftermath is never nice.Collapse )

[Open for Gunn]

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Look what you've done (you've made a fool of everyone) [31 Aug 2005|07:35pm]

And just like that, this little nest of happiness we'd managed to build up here just got yanked out from underneath my feet. Landin' me back on my ass where I'd always been. You'd think I'd get used to that feeling and stop tryin' to kid myself.

My mouth gaped open at Wesley's words and I was so shocked by them I couldn't even react. Honestly? It was better that he'd just slammed the door behind him because if he was still standin' inside my apartment? Well...I didn't know what I'd do but it would probably be bad and I didn't wanna go down that road again. Even if I desperately wanted to hurt him right about now. Instead I just stood and stared at that same door that had been slammed twice now in one night. Suddenly I wished Spike was here because this was all his fucking fault! Besides, I knew that I could beat the crap out of him right now and he'd just take it. Angrily I grabbed the box with the ring inside and hurled it at the door, listening as it fell back to the floor with a solid thud. Then I only found myself disappointed because I didn't feel any better.

Turnin' my back to the door I sank down on the couch morosely and glanced at the television screen at the paused game Xander had been playin' before I up and ruined his life. I'd never meant to hurt him. Really I'd never meant to hurt anybody. I was just so fucking determined to do what was best for my daughter that I hadn't really thought about Xander or Wesley's feelings. Was that so fucking wrong? I didn't think so. Besides, Xander was so happy playin' Dadddy. Why the hell would I wanna take that away from him? I didn't have the heart to.

What Wes said to me on his way out the door was the exact reason I hadn't told him about it in the first place. Like the two of us could ever work together to raise up a kid all right. We were the most unstable people I'd ever met besides Buffy and I knew that working together the only thing we could possibly do is screw up this kid. Still, I couldn't lie. His words kinda hurt even if they were well deserved. After all, wasn't I the one runnin' off at the mouth about him bein' a baby stealer? If he was a baby stealer then I was a torturer and I really didn't have a leg of defense to stand on in that area. That was what I was worried about now, how much I didn't have a leg to stand on. She wasn't even out in the world yet and I'd already managed to lose her. I could just see me in court right now.

"Gee, Your Honor. I know that I used to be in prison for killin' people but seriously spend an hour with Wes. He's way more fucked up then I am."

Somehow? I didn't think that would really stand up in court and my heart almost lunged up into my throat. Swallowing hard I tried to shake the bitter tears away because I would never let him take her away from me. Ever since I'd found out that I was pregnant my on-going mantra had been protect her. Do whatever I had to do. If I had to lie to the people that I loved? Then so be it as long as she was safe and well cared for. Was I wrong? Was I....? I'd already made up my mind. I'd disappear so far out of sight that Wes would never find me if he tried to take me to court for her. I didn't really have any other choice and if Wes thought that I'd ever...tie my daughter to a chair and.... He was wrong. So fucking wrong and he didn't know a damn thing about me. Not anymore. Someone should really tell him that bein' a kind of screwed up father figure was what landed him in that kitchen chair in the first place. Someone who definitely isn't me should tell him that. I'd already said enough.

I just wanted something better for her than I had! Check me out. No real Dad to speak of. Alcoholic slut of a mother. Then you got the failed father figures. The Mayor (wicked evil and also a giant snake), Wesley (tied him to a kitchen chair and tortured him after he tried to get his Council assholes to kill me) and Angel (.......who saved me in a rainy alleyway). I stopped short. Angel. It didn't matter how many screwed up things I'd done Angel always took my side. Never gave up on me. Always came through for me. Angel who also happened to be the CEO of the most powerful law firm around. Suddenly? I was feelin' like I had a leg to stand on. There wasn't one doubt in my mind that Angel would take my side over Wesley's on this one. If only it'd been Angel who'd knocked me up that night in Vegas. Naw. Girl like me could never get that lucky. Although maybe that wasn't the best idea ever, I mean Connor was a cool kid but fucked up wasn't even the word.

The irony that I had never really had a Dad and now there were two volunteers to be my kid's Dad hadn't escaped me either. Well, maybe volunteers was kind've a lofty word considering they both just stormed out of my apartment.

It didn't matter. My little girl had me and she'd never be alone. She'd know how fucking loved she was no matter what ended up happening and I'd never leave her or hurt her. And now we both had Angel because I was sure that Angel would pull some strings at the law firm. Make sure that Wes didn't have any rights to my kid and that would be that. Maybe Xander would come home after he was done...doing whatever it was that he had gone out to do. I wanted him to come home, I wanted him here, I wanted him with me. I wondered if I'd ever get to tell him that. Fuck. I hoped he wasn't goin' to get drunk. We'd already gone down that road together and moved past it and I was hopin' that I hadn't pushed him back towards the bottle again.

What was one more thing to feel guilty about?
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Please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now. [31 Aug 2005|02:02am]

[ mood | gloomy ]

I walked back out of the small store with a twenty four block of beers and stuck them in the backseat. Shutting the door, I closed my eyes and wondered if I should just go back home and talk about this with her. She told me that I was the one she chose, but for so long, I thought that was my baby, part of me and now to have all of that taken away with one sentence ... I didn't think I could actually look at her tonight. I'd be back tomorrow, possibly, I wasn't sure, I didn't know. And now Spike was in the front seat of my car and I had to find out why they kept it from me this whole time. He could have at least told me right? He should have told me. Should have! But, he didn't and I was almost tempted to just say forget it. I guess part of me just didn't want to know. Alot of me didnt' want to know. But the small, scarce part wanted to know it all. Probably so I could just think about it and feel sorry for myself. I think I have that right, I should. I'm the guilty party, er, one person or something and now, I really needed to get out of here because standing in a parking lot? So not making anything better.

Opening the door, I got in the front seat and reached for my keys, turning the car on. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at Spike. He wasn't even looking at me. Oh, is that guilt! GOOD! Shaking my head, I pulled out and then into traffic. First hotel I saw, I was pulling in.

A few minutes of nothing but silence passed until I actually made a noise, actually, a letting out of a breath and kept my eyes on the road. It was as if I was alone in the car, Spike didn't make any noises, he was dead. Couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. Anything but keep secrets. Important secrets, secrets that I should have known about, but nope. They kept it all from me.

I saw a hotel coming up and I pulled in. Spike got out as well and lit up a cigarette while I went inside, getting myself a room. About ten minutes later, I walked back out and Spike was standing there, drinking a beer and gave me a look.

"Think I was goin' to pass it up?" He asked and looked at me sadly, or what seemed like it before turning around and grabbing the rest of the beer. I didn't even bring clothes. Then again, I didn't plan for this to happen. Didn't take us long to get into the room. I grabbed the beer and stuffed as much as I could into the fridge before grabbing one for myself and opening it. I sat down on the bed and he sat on the small desk they had in the room.

Felt like it was quiet forever, we didn't say anything, I just sat there, thinking about what she could be doing right now. She didn't seem that happy to see Wes, actually, not happy at all. I was worried about that. Worried and in the end ... she fucked me over. Fucked me over and like stepped on me. Crossing an arm over my chest, I just sat there. I couldn't even think of any words to say.

All I knew was that I thought I found something with Faith that I've always wanted with anyone, even her, but really? I never thought it would happen with her. This was all too good to be true and we were too happy. Too fucking happy and now this. Why did Spike have to tell her that ... we didn't? Why couldn't he just keep it all a secret? Glancing up, I tilted my chin and finished off the beer before tossing it in the trash and I got up, getting myself another one.

"Why did you have to tell Faith that ... we didn't. Couldn't see that we were happy? I ... thought we were," I asked him and stood there in front of him as I opened my beer, tossing the cap in the trash. He set his beer down and shrugged, crossing his arms as he sat there. "Think she had a right, everyone has a right to know ... well, not everyone see, but she did. What she did with the information was up to her."

"What about me? Don't you think that I should have known!? I mean, we ... she ... pregnant! Child! I thought was mine and now ... now she's not and how ..." Shaking my head, I sat back down on the bed and just leaned forward, trying to make sense of it all. I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid that if I did, I'd just break down and I didn't want to do that. We didn't say anything much more that night and Spike eventually asked if he could stay. Guess he didn't have anywhere else to go. I let him lay down and he turned on the tv. I left him alone and went out on the balcony and just thought.

All night long.

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It seems like such fun until you lose what you have won [30 Aug 2005|04:05am]

[ mood | depressed ]

I had to leave and that's what I did, I didn't know where I was going, but I had to admit, the thought of getting slap, sobbing drunk was getting more and more appealing. Which was what I was going to do. Fuck AA whatever it is right now. I didn't care, I needed something to just make the pain stop. How could she do this to me? I mean, come on, I would have given her anything and she just ... took it all away. My hopes, my dreams the fact that I didn't turn out like my father. But really? I was just like him because I was heading straight to a bar. I didn't care, not right now. I think I deserved it. All those times ... and I guess I couldn't really blame Wes either. I couldn't because he is the actual father. I didn't know what it was like to be in his shoes. To be the father, but then not knowing because the woman didn't want you to be the father and her lying to the guy that she wanted and ... it's all so confusing, yet it wasn't. Faith was a liar. I wasn't sure if I should be at least flattered that she told me I was the father. No, I wasn't. I wasn't at all because she built me up so high only to kick me in the gut and knock me over in the end. I wasn't sure if I'd ever forgive her for this. I was so happy, so happy and now? Now I felt like shit.

Pulling into the nearest bar, I got out of the car and slammed it shut, not caring if it fell apart. Why wouldn't it anyway? Everything else does. Pushing the door open, I looked around before heading straight to the front part and sitting down and looking toward the bartender as he was helping someone else. Running a hand through my hair, I wondered if I could actually do this. One drink, maybe two. Possibly three. Or ten.

"What can I get ya?" He asked and looked at me curiously before I just shrugged. "Miller, longneck." What can I say? I was never a fan of the hard stuff, even though I should be. Right now would be the perfect time, but eh ... I just needed to think.

He uncapped the beer and slid it over and I wrapped my hand around it before bringing it to my lips and taking a sip. This is what I needed. Setting it back down on the bartop, I just sat there, my head hung low and shook my head.

I can't believe she did this to me. Was this my fault somehow? Did I do something? I don't think I did, for once, I am not the trouble maker! I'm not and ... I couldn't be around people. Grabbing my wallet, I pulled out a five and laid it down before grabbing my beer and walking out back to the car. Where the hell was I going to go? Well, first to the corner store so I could get some beer and hopefully forget about the girl that just broke my heart and did the mexican hat dance on it. If she ... even knew what that was, but whatever.

Getting in my car, I started it up and pulled out, heading to the nearest store. I, in the meantime, drank the rest of my beer and tossed the bottle in the backseat before pulling in. Narrowing my eyes, I saw who was coming out of the store and everything inside of me just clenched. He knew the whole time and he didn't tell me. Instead, him and Faith just kept this lie going on and on and on. He saw me and smiled before walking over to the car. I got out and shut it, watching him as he lit up a cigarette.

"Where's the Mrs.?" He asked and I just shrugged before looking at the store. "At home. With the father of her baby," I sighed and looked back at him, narrowing my eyes.

Yep, he knew. I knew he knew because he made that face that meant that he knew. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him and wanted to hit and hurt him, but really ... I guess I couldn't. There were things that I've done in my past ... and still! This had to do with my baby...well, Wes' baby now, but still.

"Don't think this is the place to be talkin' about this Harris," he said and crushed out his smoke. He was right, in front of a convenience store wasn't really ... civil. "Get in the car, I'm getting a block, I'll be back out," I said and walked inside, getting what I came for. Twenty for heartache drinks that were supposed to make me feel better.

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[29 Aug 2005|09:57pm]

[ mood | determined ]

Time to face the truthCollapse )

[Open to Faith and Xander]

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[29 Aug 2005|01:58am]

I was feeling amazing after I left Oz knocked out in his cage. Maybe I should have been pissed that he killed the girl, but honestly it just turned me on. Buried deep inside Oz was a predator just like me. I was going to have so much fun pushing him to his limits and watching him crack open. Why kill the wolf when I could just make him embrace his inner evil.

Once I was home, I made sure all traces of Lily were gone. Took a long shower to wash the blood away. I wished Dawn was around because I was so turned on that we would have some good times. Of course she was probably showing off her pretty new car and I was glad. I hoped it made Buffy green with envy. She'd ignored Dawn for too long and now I was going to make it up to the little sister. Make her feel as beautiful and wanted as she really was.

Placed a phone call and ordered some silver items. A cup, some cool wind chimes that could be hanged on the cage. Wasn't sure how close and how much I could safely put around my new pet without killing him. Had to order some special silver bullets and a gun from this shop that came highly recommended from Wolfram and Hart. As soon as the sun set, I was going to go pick up all my new stuff and bring the presents back to my pet.

I'd always wanted a dog. This was close enough. Really.

Probably should check in with the old man soon, but I didn't want to bug him. My phone was on if he or Dawn needed me. I was going to get some sleep so that I could start my day. Well my night, but you know same difference.

When I woke up a few hours later the sun was just about to set. I grabbed another hot shower and threw on some clothes. Packed a bag of necessities for Oz since he was going to need clothes. If he was good that is. If he was a bad wolfy, well I'd just throw some human blood stained clothes in to torture him. Actually I hoped he would be bad.

The shop was easy to find and I paid for all the items with cash. Really didn't want to leave a paper trail in case anyone realized Oz had gone missing. No waiting period for the gun and the wind chimes were so pretty. I had a feeling that Oz wouldn't want to drink out of the cup.

I brought a silver bracelet and a necklace too with a silver arrow head pendant. No crosses for me. Thanks. Now I needed to bring a present. It wasn't hard to find a girl walking alone on my way to the warehouse. Girls really dig my cars so she hopped right in. I explained that I had to check in at my dad's warehouse before I could take her to dinner and she was fine with it.

Right up until she saw the cage and the not so sleeping guy inside. I hit her hard enough to knock her out so she couldn't scream and then set to work closing the warehouse door. I wasn't real fond of magic, but I wondered if I could find a spell to sound proof this place. I'd rather hear the screams than muffle them.

"Hey Oz. How are you feeling? You look a lot healthier today. Oh right the gag. Guess you want me to remove that."
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[28 Aug 2005|08:38pm]

[ mood | working ]

"Where is that text...?"

Giles slid books across the desk, making more room for another stack, waiting next to the office door. Preparing the hotel to repel teleportational access by D'Hoffryn seemed to be quite the tall order. From what he'd been able to glean from their admittedly meager resource pool, D'Hoffryn was the top of an order of demonic agencies in his own right, which meant that whatever magicks used would have to be of an order of magnitude higher than he'd been able to locate.

In addition, a spellcaster of certain distinction and skill would be needed. Willow had left them, the better to pursue a life with Kennedy. Inconvenient. No, worse than inconvenient. Downright near impossible to cast this particular spell without her.

Didn't stop him from trying. Wouldn't stop it, either. If there was one thing experience in Sunnydale, and being Watcher of an active Slayer had taught him, it was that giving in was not an option. After all, Buffy had sacrificed her life once to save them all. Could he do any less, if it meant protecting the second chance Anya had been given by the Powers that Be?

He felt absentmindedly for the grease pencil tucked behind one ear, the better to continue making notes on the segment of wall he was using as a crib-sheet, for the ingredients of the spatial binding spell.

There were options, of course. Angel could prove to be an invaluable resource. Wolfram and Hart, no doubt, had a spellcaster of comparable skill to Willow somewhere on their voluminous payroll. They seemed to have everything else, after all. He scribbled a note out to remind himself to call Angel, assuming he could make it through the switchboard. After all, champion in charge or not, they were still evil. There would be innumerable underlings unwilling to offer help to the titular head of the American branch of the Watcher's Council.

"Ah, there we are," he muttered to himself, catching sight of the book he'd been seeking. "Reinhardt's Spatial Binding Codex. I wondered where that had gotten off to." He stood, leaning to pick it up, and toppled a stack of precariously balanced books over his feet.

"Just like old times," he mumbled to himself, beginning to re-stack, and re-organize them.

[Open to anyone who'd like to come visit Giles.]

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Pass me by [25 Aug 2005|07:16pm]

"You haven't even known this boy for longer than a few days!" I exclaimed once Dawn informed me that Connor had bought the ridiculously expensive car sitting in the Hyperion parking lot. "And he bought you a car? A really expensive car? Dawn, don't you think this is moving a little too fast?" I crossed my arms over my chest defensively awaiting the whine attack that my little sister was about ready to launch into full force. "I know you really like this boy I just think your relationship with him is moving way too fast."

"Are you just saying that because he slept with you too and he's not buying you a car? He likes me alot, Buffy and I like him too. And you know what? This isn't even any of your business anymore. I thought you'd be happy for me because Connor makes me happy." She crossed her own arms and mimicked my stance.

"It has nothing to do with that, Dawn. Me and Connor were....we were grief stricken and not thinking straight. It was an accident. I am happy for you if you're happy but this is moving way too fast." I reiterated, wondering if anything I said to her was sinking into her head at all.

"Just because you can't make any of your relationships work, that doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." She bit out at me and it stung so much that I had to restrain the urge to slap her across the face.

I think she saw the look on my face too because she immediately uncrossed her arms and looked apologetic. Too little, too late. She was my sister, I loved her but lately all she had done was make it blatantly clear just how unwelcome I was in her life. I didn't understand it. I mean, I knew that I'd screwed up sometimes along the way with her but I became her guardian when I was nineteen years old. I wasn't ready to be a parent, and so I'd done the best that I could with her. Apparently my best just wasn't good enough. What a surprise.

"That is not what this is about." I all but hissed at her, glaring up at her with the same look I'd been perfecting on her over the years. She wasn't a child anymore though and I knew that even if she wasn't constantly declaring it. She was a grown woman and she was all but doing the same thing to me that she'd always been accusing me of doing to her. Shutting me out. "I thought you had to be away from me anyway. Isn't that what you said yesterday at Starbucks, Dawn? Now you're here to what? Gloat and show off your new car?"

"No. I'm here to see Giles." She replied sullenly and I vaguelly wondered if I hurt her feelings. I wondered even more why I cared so much about that. These days I didn't seem to care about much of anything. I guess Dawn would always be the exception to that rule.

"Well, don't let me stop you." I said angrily, stepping out of her way so she could storm off inside the hotel and throw a tantrum somewhere where I didn't have to see it.

My eyes drifted to her car and I tilted my head to the side, studying it for a few minutes. Maybe Dawn did have a point. The night I was with Connor he was grief-stricken and filled with enough violence and pain to match my own. It was the only reason I had slept with him. I didn't actually know anything about Connor except that he was Angel's son, which only added to my reservations about him dating my sister. Dawn didn't need the sort of things I'd had to go through when I was her age. I wanted a normal life for her because I couldn't have a normal life for me. But how normal a life could a girl who used to be an immortal key really have?

I was too angry with her for the moment to be much of anything else. How could she think that.....why would she think that? Because it was true? Because I couldn't possibly have a normal and happy relationship with anyone. I mean, just look at my history. Undead possibly evil boyfriend, military experiment gone wrong, another undead possibly evil boyfriend, followed by watcher turned gay. Nothing but a world of badness. I was a stellar example of what not to do. Maybe I just didn't have any room to question whatever relationship Dawn was embarking on with Angel's son. Or maybe I was her big sister and I'd do whatever I damn well pleased.

Yeah. I liked the second option.
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So you found a way to let it out [25 Aug 2005|06:13pm]

Connor and I went for a test drive in my brand new shiny fast car! My brand new shiny fast car that Spike was never ever going to drive. He couldn't just smile at me and charm his way into driving my car. Not anymore. Because...well, because things with Spike were weird ever since that night and I should probably just stay away from him for a little while. At least that was what I told myself to make me feel better. He wasn't at the house when I came back and I hadn't seen him since that night. He probably freaked out because he slept with Buffy's little sister and now I was never going to see him again. He was just like everybody else, and it was hard learning that lesson over and over again. Spike only hung out with me because he was obsessed with my sister. Maybe when I was just a kid I was okay with that, but I wasn't just a kid anymore and things were really different now. Different as in I didn't live with Buffy anymore, and I had a boyfriend and my own car. Things were changing everyday and the longer I stayed where I was, with Buffy, the longer I stayed the stupid kid that everyone wanted to just boss around.

I said goodbye to Connor and we agreed to meet up later to hang out. I guess he had some stuff to do or whatever and that was cool because I couldn't wait to show off my new car to like everybody. I could do that while Connor was busy doing whatever it was he had to do. After I dropped him off back at his apartment I cruised around L.A. for a little while with my favorite Spice Girls album cranked as loud as it would go. Because now no one was in the car with me so I could listen to it without feeling completely ashamed. I was thinking about Connor too much to listen to the music anyway.

He was a vampire. Just like Angel, actually exactly like Angel and Spike. He had a soul and listening to his story broke my heart. At first I was all kinds of freaked out and cursing my bad luck. I found another boy who actually liked me, and I liked him too and he turned out to be another vampire! I really was Buffy's sister. But then he told me he had a soul just like Angel and I had no reason not to believe him. He'd never hurt me, he was actually really nice to me. Paid attention to me while everybody else was busy always ignoring me. I guess Angel had to turn Connor to save his life and then he cursed Connor with the same gypsy curse that Willow used to keep Angel from trying to kill us all. Which was a good thing because when Angel tried to kill us all Buffy got really sad and everything else got really scary. I didn't want to think about Connor that way, and I wouldn't have to because he told me the happiness clause was specific to Angel. All the times that I had played the part of Watcher Junior and I'd read so much and learned so much about...well, everything. I'd never really looked into the curse that bound Angel's soul to him. If Angel was Spike I probably would have been more curious but as it was? I'd never even technically met Angel. I mean, not really. I was still a mystical glowing key when he'd been dating my sister. Sure, I had memories of him vague as they were but mostly he had never really existed to me. Now I knew that I was going to end up going back to the hotel to look through Giles' books. It'd been a long time since I'd done that and I kind of missed it. Also? I could go and show off my new car.

I'd already promised but now I'd definitely made up my mind. I wouldn't tell Connor's secret to anyone, not even Buffy if she asked. Besides, Buffy would only just freak out like she hadn't lost her virginity to a vampire. Whatever. Connor was already way nicer to me than Angel used to be to Buffy. I mean, all he ever did was make her cry. At least that was the part I remembered.

I stopped at home first, careful to turn the Spice Girls all the way down. I knew Oz wouldn't outwardly make fun of me for my love of cheesy pop music but he would get that little smile on his face that told me he was clearly amused. I didn't care, not really. I had a new car! A shiny cherry red BMW that my boyfriend gave me. The smile was permanantly glued to my face as I locked it up all tight in the driveway. I loved where I lived but I knew that keeping an unlocked BMW around was only going to make me sorry later. I wasn't staying long, I just wanted to show my new car off to Oz. I practically skipped up the steps to my apartment and burst through the door. Devon was sitting on the couch with a guitar, aimlessly plucking the strings. He was all alone which was weird because he usually had some groupie hanging off of him at all times.

"Hey Dawn." He smiled up at me and I smiled back before scanning the kitchen behind him.

"Hi! Is Oz home?" I asked him, walking past the couch towards Oz's room. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. It wasn't a surprise, Oz kind of drifted in and out of here all the time. I just really wanted him to be home because....well, because Oz might just be the only friend I had left besides Connor. And I wanted to show him my new car! Someone else needed to be just as excited as I was about it. I guess I could show Devon but Devon never really got all that excited about anything. I wondered if he did a lot of drugs or something.

"I don't know where he went. He'll probably be back later." Devon shrugged before turning his attention back to his guitar. Great. I was even invisible girl here. Taking a deep breath I tried to keep the pout off of my face as I left through the front door again.

Unlocking my car I got back into the driver's seat and started it back up. I had to go show it off to someone. I needed to go to the hotel anyway to look through Giles books. Giles was old and he got that really fancy car a few years ago when Buffy said he was having a mid-life crisis. He'd appreciate my new car. Singing at the top of my lungs I headed towards the hotel hoping that Buffy wouldn't be there. Actually I wanted her to be there. I wanted her to see my new car too even though when I saw her yesterday is was kind of all with the bad. She was my sister though and I loved her, no matter how much the two of us fought.

Pulling up in front of the hotel just as Buffy was coming out I turned my music way down and rolled down the window with a smile. Buffy didn't smile. Buffy looked really confused and really angry. Maybe I shouldn't have come here.

"Where the hell did you get this car?"
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Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned [23 Aug 2005|08:48pm]

[ mood | calm ]

Going to go talk to Cordy had been kind of a spur of the moment thing but I'm glad I went. It's kind of weird no matter how much all of us go through there's just something about being from Sunnydale that goes past all the years that we've been apart. Bonds forged in pain or something like that.

I think that's the most I've talked in a long time, although I have to admit she did most of the talking, but when I did she actually was quiet and listening like she gave a damn what I said. It was nice. Even if we did get extremely dirty looks from the waitresses for sitting around for many hours doing nothing but sucking down bottomless cups of coffee. Well we did have pie too, but you know bill of less than $10 and taking up a table for most of the night.

She made me smile a lot. Which is new lately. I told her about what it was like in the hotel. Kind of short on real descriptive scenes but she got it. She told me the stuff going on with her too and it was weird to be able to just talk like that and not worry if the other person was going to try and feel guilty for you or having to explain the whole history behind everything.

Then she found out I was kind of sleeping in the van. I have a room, really I do but last time I was home it was kind of over occupied so I was giving them room. She told me I could sleep on her couch for a while. As long as Devon never came near the place. I could handle that so I let her talk me into coming home with her. Not in a coming home with her kind of way just a my poor friend is homeless here's my couch kind of way. Not that I would have objected but you know this is Cordy and I'm sure she has guys crawling out of the walls wanting her and I'm kind of cool with just being a friend.

So pretty much just hanging and going to gigs and trying to figure out what to do from here. There's always a shortage of people to keep people safe, and now that I know more about the wolf I'm able to do that. I think I'll start back into patrolling then I need to find Connor. I may have told Lilly I'd try to keep him safe but I'm not doing the greatest job since I don't know where he is. And maybe Giles...and Will. There could be use for a short werewolf who knows how to research and fight.

Something. Just to stop being useless like I feel now.

And I should check in on Wes and make sure he's ok. Long enough list. Time to play some music and then patrol.

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[21 Aug 2005|07:39pm]

I heard the door shut quietly as, I presumed, Buffy exited -- the sound magnified through the plastic cup which I still held to my ear. Right, then. I crossed hurriedly to the other side of the bathroom and placed the cup upright on the glass shelf above the sink and looked in the mirror for what must have been nearly a minute; I barely recognised myself. I shook my head in an effort to clear my mind and turned back toward the bathroom door.

Bloody hell. His girlfriend had just broken up with him -- or, rather, he'd just broken up with her -- made no difference. She'd walked in on us practically lounged on a heart-shaped bed, maple syrup spilt all over the couch, me clad in boxers, eating breakfast. What was she supposed to think?

It was right embarrassing, actually. She thought -- she...

God, I'd been harbouring the thoughts all day myself, practically. How sweetly his hair fell across his brow, how his smile made him nearly bloody sparkle... dear Lord, when did this happen? We were mates, was all, we'd gone to the pub a few times and I'd lopped off a dragon's head and sat next to him whilst he was in a coma for weeks and why? I had no idea anymore.

I heaved a deep breath before pressing my hand round the doorknob and turning it -- as I pulled open the door, my eyes met with Brandon's and I glanced away immediately, guarding myself from what might be considered 'impure thoughts.' He and Buffy'd just broke up. He was probably pissed at me for rushing off into the bathroom (but really, like I'd wanted to be in the middle of their lovers' spat) and we were probably going to get into a quarrel of our own.

I crossed my arms across my chest and bit the inside of my cheek. "Sorry, mate. She's, uh -- a fine girl?"
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[20 Aug 2005|08:43pm]

The doctor's appointment ended up going alright. Darla and the baby were in good health to my relief. I think maybe she was relieved too, but it's hard to tell with Darla sometimes. He wanted to see her again in a couple of weeks and prescribed some pre-natal vitamins. I listened to everything he said, but I was pretty sure that Darla was memorizing every word. She wanted this child. I could see it in her eyes. She realized she was getting a second chance to be a mama and this time she wouldn't have to stake herself to give the baby life.

I'd been thinking about the things we said to each other, but decided to stop worrying about it. Things were bound to be tense given the current situation. I'd died and she hated me fo it. I knew she hated me for it because I'd hated her for dying on me. Now I was back and she was pregnant, Connor was shutting her out and getting close to Angel, well that was a lot for her to swallow at once. I just needed to give her a little space so she could get a handle on things. I needed to talk to Connor too. Make the boy realize he needed to let his mama back into his life. I was worried about him, honestly.

I dropped Darla back off at the apartment to rest and was about to hunt down Con when I got a message from the office. Apparently there was a new employee to assist Angel. Eve. She was the first liason. No shit. I'd been reading up on that project, but I was never sure when they would implement it. Heh. They named her Eve. Nice touch. The original temptress of sin and the first woman. Who said that the Senior partners didn't have a sense of humor?

Connor was going to have to wait. There was no way I could resist stopping in at the office and meeting this girl. I wondered if she knew just how special she was. The girl was the first of her kind. The one to be a bridge between the partners and the firm. That was a lot of responsibility. Hell there was a time when I would have been jealous that they hadn't asked me to be that, but I was more than content with my life. Maybe this was what Darla was referring too. She thought she was costing me stuff because my priorities were changing. Darla didn't realize they were changing for the better.

I parked my car in my parking spot and locked it up tight. Not that I really expected anyone to try and lift it from the firm, but one could never be too careful. There was almost a little skip in my step as I made my way through the corridors on the way to my office. I was more than a little excited to finally meet this girl. I hoped she lived up to my expectations. The project had fascinated me for years.

I stopped in front of my secretary and flashed her my most charming smile. "Could you ask Eve to meet me in my office when she has a chance. I'd like to introduce myself."

(open to Eve)
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Faith and Spike have a chat [17 Aug 2005|02:11am]

Spike: Woke up the next afternoon after leavin' the hotel and leavin' Buffy behind. I was tired of all the usin' she was puttin' to me -- okay, that's a lie, I don't mind it that much as long as I get what I want and what she wants at the same time, she can't deny that. I was a bit worried about what had happened, but she wasn't goin' to tell me anyway. Shruggin', I got dressed and walked out of my room so I could grab a smoke. Now that Faith is carryin' a kid, I can't be smokin' 'round her, I guess. Saw her sittin' on the couch, watchin' her tv and I walked past and groaned when I realized it was daylight, like I didnt' already know. Too much on my mind. Everythin' all at once. Walked past her again and to the front door so I could sit on the steps in the hallway. Should have said somethin' to her, but I was feelin' rightly guilty about what happened .. that she doesn't even know about. Thinkin' 'bout changin' that though. Maybe she should know so I can finally get it off my chest. When I was done with my smoke, I cursed and got up, realizin' I was ashin' on the steps and now I had to put it out. Walked back into the apartment and flushed the butt down the toilet before walkin' back out into the livin' room. "Whatcha watchin'?" I asked and sat down on the couch, layin' my hand over my stomach as I watched the telly with her.

Faith: "Mornin'." I said as Spike wandered into the kitchen, pack of cigarettes clenched in one hand. Okay, that was just a tease! Some of us were about to become a mother and couldn't smoke anymore even though I desperately wanted to more than most of the time. He didn't even answer me just headed straight back outside to grab his smoke before comin' back in again. Okay....nice to see you too, Spike. What the fuck was his problem? Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed and for once? It ain't me. Morning sickness was a bitch but no one was bitchier than Spike. "Rough night?" I asked tryin' to keep my tone light as he plopped down on the couch and laid his hand over my stomach before turnin' to look at the TV. Narrowing my eyes I looked down at him suspiciously. "Okay. Seriously. I'm supposed to be the whacked out hormonal chick here. What's your excuse?"

Spike: Crackin' a small smile, I looked up at her and shrugged. If only she knew, which ... right, she was about to. She needed to. Sittin' up, I turned to her a bit and looked her over. Bloody hell, why was I even sayin' anythin'? "Look, I need to tell you somethin'. You can hate me afterwards, but you need to know," I said and looked back to the telly before lookin' down at my hands. This was the right thing to do right? 'Course it was. Then I wouldn't think about it everyday and everynight and ... all the soddin' time. "Talked to the ex watcher the other day. He knows about ..." Lookin' down at her belly, I made it known before lookin' back up at her face. She was shocked to say the least. I needed another fag, swear and more than ever, I'd rather have Buffy beatin' my arse then me havin' to continue this little story time. "I told him, figured he had a right --" Stopped myself from speakin' and looked away. The look she was givin' me could dust me more than any soddin' stake could.

Playing kick the soddin' SpikeCollapse )
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