night has begun by raven_annabelle

Two points for honesty

I left Dawn at the apartment and hauled ass back to my house in the valley. I needed to drink some virgin blood from the fridge, take a shower to get the smell of Dawn off me (no need to have Daddy thinking about her), and change clothes before I called my father to have him meet me at the house. Maybe he could just bring me a virgin to snack on. It's always better fresh from the source.

All I could think about was the fact Dawn was pregnant and it had to be my kid. No way could Spike have knocked her up. He was just a common vampire who happened to luck out by being sired by someone from the Aurelian line. I was the natural born child of Darla and Angelus and had been turned by my father. Clearly I was more special and besides it was in my genes, right? Daddy was able to get Mom pregnant when they were both vampires.

I had big plans for Dawn and our child. Nothing but the best and no one was going to take the baby from us. Maybe I should eliminate all the possible threats before they even had a chance to find out I had a son or daughter that would be born. I could just tie them all up and shove them into a portal to Quor'toth. Not that I'm bitter or anything of course.

When I pulled up to my place I was surprised to see my dad's car in the driveway. There was blood on the driveway next to the car so obviously something had went down. I sniffed the air but I couldn't catch enough of a scent until I walked into the house. Cordy. I could smell her and I smiled. Daddy must have brought Mommy home to play. Nice. We'd all be one big family once I broke the news about Dawn and the baby to the old man.

"Daddy?" I called out, as I locked the door and made my way into the living room where my father was sitting. He looked smug. Real smug. Like the cat that ate the canary and I'm thinking the canary's name was Mommy.

"I planned to call and ask you to come over so we could catch up, but I guess you had the same idea? Cordelia still alive or are you just waiting for her to rise again?" I asked as I flopped down on the couch next to him.

(Open to my daddy)

(no subject)

Rolling over, my eyes opened suddenly when I realized the sun was coming straight in and blinding me. What the hell? I sat up and quickly got out of the bed, holding onto my head as I got up and closed the blinds. My head was pounding and gee, that could be because I drank myself into a beer induced coma last night? Probably. Wiping my eyes, I stared around the room and wondered where Spike went off too, of course that was until I heard movement in the closet. Eh, just leave him there. Sat back down on the bed and tried to figure out what I should do. I wondered how Faith was at the moment and I wanted to call, but I wasn't going to. I didn't want to hear that her and Wes are going to raise this baby and now it was bye bye Xander. Just because that baby is technically Wes' ... I ... I don't know what I should do.

Things are changing too fast for me, I'm more of a sticking kind of guy but this? This was mind blowing and I didn't know what I should do. Should I go home, beg her to take me back for even leaving? No, of course not. For once they should be begging me back! Faith should anyway, I'm tired of being the one to beg. But, all I knew was that we were married and all I wanted was her. Even if the baby wasn't mine.

I saw the way she looked at Wes and now I'm kicking myself in the ass. I should have stayed. Should have stayed with her. Glanced over at the phone before laying back on the bed. I'd wait. Until tonight so I could see her. And besides, Spike couldn't go anywhere right now. Daylight.


"So are we goin' then?" Spike asked and I looked at myself in the mirror. Right now it was now or never and besides, if I had Spike there with me? She'd take it all out on him and not me. I could do this. I wanted her back and this was how it was going to be.

"Yeah," I said and then grabbed my keys and wallet before we both walked out of the door and back down to the car.

The ride didn't take too long. I parked outside of the apartment building and took a few deep breaths.

"Oh please, Harris. Just get this over with. Sure everythin' will work out in the end, yes?" He asked and got out of the car so he could light up a smoke. I just shook my head and got out before going inside the apartment building. I walked slowly up the stairs and wondered what was about to happen. Would she even want me back? I wasn't sure. I knew I wanted her back no matter what. She ... she knew what she was to me and I just wanted that feeling back. When I opened the door and walked inside, I frowned though. It was so quiet. Moving from room to room, I stopped in the hallway and then it all sank in. She left.

I heard footsteps and then Spike walked in, looking around. We shared a look and I kicked the wall before walking back to the living room and sitting down.

"She's gone," I said quietly and held my head down. What the hell was I going to do now?
depressed angry

(no subject)

The sun is getting ready to go down. I really don't want to see what Connor's coming back with this time. Food would be good. Even with the taste of his blood roaring in my head I feel the pinch of hunger way too soon. It's not even daylight when my stomach growls.

The girl had calmed down some by that point. There's only so long you can work yourself into a frenzy of fear before you have to sleep. And she'd spent hours waiting for me to pounce on her but she'd finally relaxed. I took the gag off as soon as Connor was away, I knew how sound proofed this place was and I wasn't sitting around all day with my mouth taped shut.

She'd cried when I'd taken the gag off. I finally made her take hers off to tell me why. I think she was fairly sure I wasn't ready to eat her by this point.

"He'll punish me. You took if off and he'll punish me for it." her voice was barely a whisper but she was right. Connor wouldn't punish me for it, he'd take it out on her. She was shaking with fear of him and now of me again.

"I'll put in on before he comes back. He won't be here till dark." that seemed to reassure her. "What's your name?"

"Mary." again that tiny whisper.

"I'm Oz. I'm sorry." And that was an end to the talking. When she finally calmed down I was able to sleep some myself. I woke up from dreaming about Connor feeding on Dawn to find Mary had curled up against me in her sleep seeking warmth and comfort. I wish I had some to give. She's in here with me she's dead and just doesn't know it yet. And if I'm not careful I'm going to be a monster like Connor before too long. The only plan I can come up with to get out of here is to get on his good side. But that just doesn't seem like an option. Either way people die. Only thing is right now he's the one causing them to be put in that situation. If I try to get on his good side they'll be on my concience.

I don't know what to do.
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I'll follow you into the dark

I should have known that Buffy wouldn't understand. I mean, how could she understand that someone might actually want to be with me over her? It wasn't even like she liked Connor. I couldn't tell who she liked anymore considering anytime she did find someone she always kept it really quiet like some big secret that no one was cool enough to know about but her. Even her relationship with Brandon was all quiet until I walked in on the two of them all snuggled up together. Speaking of Brandon I hadn't seen him around in a really long time and I thought he might have been one of the one's who were hurt during the whole dragon killing all of my friends thing. It was hard to keep track who actually got hurt in that fight and who didn't. Mostly? All of the slayers died except for Buffy and Faith and Kennedy too. Besides that most everybody was okay, just a few people who got knocked around here and there. Then there was me who hid like a big scaredy cat in the closet while one of the slayer's rushed in to defend me and got herself killed.

See! I went into the Hyperion for like thirty minutes and I was already severely depresso gal just thinking about what life used to be like there before I'd moved in with The Dingos. At least Brandon might be an almost explanation as to why Buffy was a total bitch to me when she saw my new car. She said it was because me and Connor were moving too fast but I knew it had nothing to do with that. Okay, maybe it had a little to do with that. Connor and I had been moving really fast but I couldn't help it. He was just so cute and nice, and he understood me in a way that no one else had ever understood me before. Most importantly? He actually noticed me. Paid attention to me. Cared about me. I knew that my sister cared about me too but she just always had so many other things to think about. I usually came somewhere around last on her list of priorities.

At least Giles smiled and oohed and ahhhed over my new car just like I knew he would. He really didn't say ooh and aah but I bet he wanted to! We had tea and he actually sort of paid attention to me when I was talking about stuff and then when he wasn't looking? I stole a couple of his books. okay, I could have just been honest about everything and told him that I needed to borrow them but then I'd have to tell Connor's secret and I didn't want to have to do that. Besides, didn't everyone expect me to steal anyway? I was the Kleptomaniac when no one was paying attention to me. When the police called my sister at four in the morning because they realized I'd been stealing then she would have to pay attention to me. Not that I really stole anything anymore. Except Giles' books. I wondered if he'd notice.

I spent most of the next few days hanging out with Devon and his friends like usual, and driving around in my pretty new car. When the parties got all wild and stuff in the other room I'd close myself up in my room and pour over the books. Everything I could find on the gypsy curse binding Angel's soul inside of his body. The text left a lot of room for interpretation especially since I was pretty sure Connor didn't have the same exact curse. He didn't lose his soul over perfect happiness because the happiness clause was specific to Angel. There wasn't really a good way of researching that since it'd just happened but I just had to take his word for it. The other alternative was that I just wasn't good and I couldn't give him happiness like Buffy had given Angel. That explanation hurt alot but it made more sense to me as I poured over the small print in front of me.

I slept alot too and I didn't know if that was because I was depressed or because I really didn't have anything else to do. I thought about getting a job or maybe trying to find a way to finish school. My high school had kind've disappeared into a crater in the ground and now I was a high school dropout. Great. Now I was on the same level with Faith. Maybe we can be best friends now. I bet she wouldn't give me a lot of crap for driving a shiny new car around like Buffy would. Maybe I should just stay away from slayers for a really long time.

Connor had disappeared for a few days too, only leaving one message on my voicemail saying that he had some things to do and that I should hang tight. Hang tight to what? I knew he would come back so I wasn't worried about it. At least not a lot because hadn't Connor proven to me that I could trust him? He always kept his word and I believed him. I had no reason not to. Besides, the idea that he was bored with me already was too depressing to think about.

It wasn't until I woke up feeling so sick one morning that I couldn't stand it that I really started to think about it. The things I'd done since I moved out from under Buffy's watchful eye. As I poured the contents of my stomach out into the toilet I thought about something that could be wrong. Very very wrong. When I'd slept with Connor we hadn't...I mean, I knew about birth control and stuff like that because I'd had Health class before Sunnydale High fell into the ground but, I'd been so drunk and we...we hadn't used any and now...oh God. It'd been a long time since I'd last had my period and now I was pregnant. I was really pregnant. Oh God. What was I gonna do? I was gonna be like one of those girls that lived in a trailer park and had no father to her baby and had to live off of food stamps and wears curlers in her hair and walks around barefoot. Oh God. Buffy was gonna kill me.

Trying to hold the tears at bay I picked up my phone and dialed Connor's number. Please please pick up. I need you now.

(no subject)

cont. from here

I smirked madly as her hips arched up against my questing fingers and her voice barely came out above a hoarse moan telling me it had been too long. Angel was always one to neglect the women most important in his life, always giving time to the werewolves and demented little messengers sent by Wolfram & Hart. He had a fine piece right in front of him and he brooded half the time he was around her when he could be doing things like I was doing now. My fingertip gently stroked across a sensitive bundle of nerves that shot her hips off the desk violently. She was warm and delicious and I planned on taking my time with her and screw the fact that someone might come in, that'd only add to the kink value. A little bit of kink every now and then all the time really in my case never hurt anyone and apparently Cordelia Chase was totally enjoying it.

"For a woman so worried about someone coming in." I murmured against the warm hollow of her throat as my fingers continued to stroke against her hungry need. I could barely hold myself back from just pressing between her thighs and ramming myself inside her so deep her eyes would roll up in her head and leave you wondering if they'd return. Her hips were still lifting and falling against my hand and her breath was coming in ragged gasps and high pitches. I pulled my fingers from inside her panties and climbed off the desk watching her carefully, her desperate eyes wondering what I was doing why I was leaving her there. I ran my hands up her thighs and watched as they disappeared under her skirt that was already bunched up high enough for a good view, fingertips hooked around the edges of her panties and slowly I pulled them off from her.

"Not so worried anymore are you?" I whispered as I gently pulled her down the desk toward me. She really was a delicious little thing and I was about to discover it for my own. I had managed somehow between pulling her down the desk and her thighs squeezing tightly at my hips to undo my pants, my need ever present as I pressed my way deep inside her. She was going to be mine in more ways than one, she could be my firework finale as she disappeared from the sight of the gang. I could take her from them, take her far away and make her dark and wicked like me. Wouldn't they be so upset? Who the fuck cared I thought as my fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as I began thrusting my way in and out of her tortorously slow. This was Heaven I decided and even though I'd never get to appreciate Heaven? Cordelia Chase would suffice.

[open to Cordelia and eventually Faithy and her tasty little baby]
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pensive hair in the face

(no subject)

I guess I should have expected that Connor would be upset with me for not finding him right after I got brought back. Truth was, I was trying to give Angel time to tell him I was back. That was one of his little rules for bringing me back. That he got to handle Connor. Well, I was alright with that, but I wasn't going to sit back and totally cut myself out of the boy's life. I wanted to see him and make sure he was alright. Needed to talk to him about his mama too.

I followed the directions and was surprised to see so much security outside. Guess Angel was more comfortable throwing the firm's money around now. I was a little surprised the Senior Partners were okay with this, but they must of had their reasons. There was an army of new cars in the drive way. Looked like Angel was spoiling Connor rotten. Must be trying to make sure that Connor didn't feel too upset about his mother having another baby on the way or he was trying to make sure Connor wanted to stay with him instead of moving in with Darla and me.

I knocked on the door and Connor called out that it was open. I found him sitting in the living room watching tv. He barely even looked up at me. Okay. Obviously he was pretty upset with me.

"Hey Con, you look good." It was a lame greeting but I wasn't sure what else to say. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah you too. Death agrees with you. What did you want to see me about? I'm kind of tired and want to get back to bed."

I took a seat in a chair across from the couch where he was sitting. He did look tired, but this was important so I wasn't about to leave just yet. "I was giving your dad time to tell you I was back. He wanted to be the one to break the news to you."

"Yeah. I asked Mom to bring you back but she couldn't be bothered. Guess Dad must be more fond of you."

His tone was cruel and the look in his eyes made me uneasy. Never saw him this angry with me before. Not even when he got his memories back and realized the part I had played in his the lies his father created for him.

"Your mother understands how hard it is for a person when they are brought back. She didn't want to put me through it. I'm sorry I wasn't here when things got so messed up for you. I heard about Lily and Eliza.." My words were cut off when he jumped off the couch and glared at me. "Connor."

"Don't Connor me and don't tell me you're sorry. Sorry doesn't change anything!" He said in a bitter voice that bordered on yelling. "You left me. They left me. Everyone had to die on the same night and no one wanted to bring any of you back. I tried. I tried and I got the wrong girl back and now you're back well it's too late. I don't need you anymore. I don't you or Mom so go back and deal with your new kid."

I stood up and attempted to cross the room towards him, but he grabbed a lamp and hurled it in my direction, his aim off just enough to make it clear he didn't intend to hit me. "Calm down and stop acting this way." I said in a stern voice that made him roll his eyes at me. "Connor. The new baby isn't going to change how your mama and I feel about you. We love you. We miss you."

"Yeah. I'm sure you do. Look, I am trying to deal with the shit that has happened and Dad is working on our relationship. Right now that is all I can handle. I'm glad you're back and I'm sure in a couple of weeks I'll be ready to have dinner with you and Mom and we can pretend to be a happy family. Right now, I just can't. I need some space and I need to adjust to the fact that you're back and she is pregnant, okay? Can't you guys just leave me the hell alone and give me some time to deal?"

There was desperation in his eyes and I couldn't push him on this. Not when it was clear that Connor was still fragile. I knew the things that he'd done since everything fell apart. I didn't want to push him into hurting himself or someone else again. I nodded my head and walked towards the door.

"I love you, Connor. If you need anything, call me or your mother anytime. We'll be there."

"Yeah. Just." He paused, and looked up at me with unreadable eyes. "Tell Mom that I love her and I'll call her soon, okay? Thanks."

I smiled at that. Darla would be happy to get the message, but I wasn't sure if she would believe it until she heard it from Connor. "Give her a call soon. She really misses you and you know she worries. Take care, Connor."

I was pretty sure I understood why the security was there now. Angel must be worried sick the boy was going to snap and hurt himself. I knew I felt better knowing people were around to keep an eye on him. I got into my car and decided to go home and see Darla to fill her in on the visit before heading back to the office.
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reaction by raven_annabelle

(no subject)

I was in a good mood when I got back to the house just before sunrise. It was a little early to try and call Dawn, so I decided to grab a shower and get some sleep. A few hours later I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. When I checked the caller ID I groaned. Lindsey. I so wasn't ready to deal with him yet, but Daddy said I needed to keep up the image that everything was normal.

"Hello." I said, keeping my tone neutral. I wasn't sure why he was calling other than to announce hey I'm not dead anymore, but it was still weird. Nice of him to finally get around to calling. Guess he was too busy taking care of Mom and the new baby.

"Connor. Hey. I've been leaving you messages at school, but I guess you decided not to go back." He sounded disappointed I didn't go back to college. Oh fucking well. I had a lot of shit to deal with you know with everyone dying and stuff. Besides, I had a sun allergy now and school was no longer my thing.

"Yeah, well my girlfriend, best friend and Uncle died so I figured I was due to take the semester off. Dad said you were back but you didn't call so I wasn't sure what was going on."

It was pretty clear that I was annoyed, but that was being normal just like Dad had asked. I should probably check in with Daddy soon. Maybe he would decide it's time for me to eat Uncle Lindsey, Mom and the others. Not that I really wanted to kill my mother or even Lindsey for that matter. The baby...I wasn't sure what I felt about the baby yet. It wasn't fair they were having a new kid though.

"Listen, Con, can I see you? I'd much rather have this conversation in person. I know you gotta be upset with me, but I have missed you. Where can I find you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not sure I'm ready to see you yet." I said stubbornly. It wasn't like I expected him to concede though. He was just as stubborn as I was.

"Connor, it's important. Where are you staying?"

"Dad set me up in a house that the firm uses for clients sometimes." I gave him the address and hung up the phone when he said he was on his way. At least the windows wouldn't tip him off that anything had changed with me, but I had a feeling he'd be surprised to see so much security outside. Whatever. I could explain that. I could explain everything. It was so easy to lie now that I didn't have a soul or a conscience.
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    Foo Fighters: DOA
faced with my demons- tinkermellie

Look what you've done (you've made a fool of everyone)

And just like that, this little nest of happiness we'd managed to build up here just got yanked out from underneath my feet. Landin' me back on my ass where I'd always been. You'd think I'd get used to that feeling and stop tryin' to kid myself.

My mouth gaped open at Wesley's words and I was so shocked by them I couldn't even react. Honestly? It was better that he'd just slammed the door behind him because if he was still standin' inside my apartment? Well...I didn't know what I'd do but it would probably be bad and I didn't wanna go down that road again. Even if I desperately wanted to hurt him right about now. Instead I just stood and stared at that same door that had been slammed twice now in one night. Suddenly I wished Spike was here because this was all his fucking fault! Besides, I knew that I could beat the crap out of him right now and he'd just take it. Angrily I grabbed the box with the ring inside and hurled it at the door, listening as it fell back to the floor with a solid thud. Then I only found myself disappointed because I didn't feel any better.

Turnin' my back to the door I sank down on the couch morosely and glanced at the television screen at the paused game Xander had been playin' before I up and ruined his life. I'd never meant to hurt him. Really I'd never meant to hurt anybody. I was just so fucking determined to do what was best for my daughter that I hadn't really thought about Xander or Wesley's feelings. Was that so fucking wrong? I didn't think so. Besides, Xander was so happy playin' Dadddy. Why the hell would I wanna take that away from him? I didn't have the heart to.

What Wes said to me on his way out the door was the exact reason I hadn't told him about it in the first place. Like the two of us could ever work together to raise up a kid all right. We were the most unstable people I'd ever met besides Buffy and I knew that working together the only thing we could possibly do is screw up this kid. Still, I couldn't lie. His words kinda hurt even if they were well deserved. After all, wasn't I the one runnin' off at the mouth about him bein' a baby stealer? If he was a baby stealer then I was a torturer and I really didn't have a leg of defense to stand on in that area. That was what I was worried about now, how much I didn't have a leg to stand on. She wasn't even out in the world yet and I'd already managed to lose her. I could just see me in court right now.

"Gee, Your Honor. I know that I used to be in prison for killin' people but seriously spend an hour with Wes. He's way more fucked up then I am."

Somehow? I didn't think that would really stand up in court and my heart almost lunged up into my throat. Swallowing hard I tried to shake the bitter tears away because I would never let him take her away from me. Ever since I'd found out that I was pregnant my on-going mantra had been protect her. Do whatever I had to do. If I had to lie to the people that I loved? Then so be it as long as she was safe and well cared for. Was I wrong? Was I....? I'd already made up my mind. I'd disappear so far out of sight that Wes would never find me if he tried to take me to court for her. I didn't really have any other choice and if Wes thought that I'd ever...tie my daughter to a chair and.... He was wrong. So fucking wrong and he didn't know a damn thing about me. Not anymore. Someone should really tell him that bein' a kind of screwed up father figure was what landed him in that kitchen chair in the first place. Someone who definitely isn't me should tell him that. I'd already said enough.

I just wanted something better for her than I had! Check me out. No real Dad to speak of. Alcoholic slut of a mother. Then you got the failed father figures. The Mayor (wicked evil and also a giant snake), Wesley (tied him to a kitchen chair and tortured him after he tried to get his Council assholes to kill me) and Angel (.......who saved me in a rainy alleyway). I stopped short. Angel. It didn't matter how many screwed up things I'd done Angel always took my side. Never gave up on me. Always came through for me. Angel who also happened to be the CEO of the most powerful law firm around. Suddenly? I was feelin' like I had a leg to stand on. There wasn't one doubt in my mind that Angel would take my side over Wesley's on this one. If only it'd been Angel who'd knocked me up that night in Vegas. Naw. Girl like me could never get that lucky. Although maybe that wasn't the best idea ever, I mean Connor was a cool kid but fucked up wasn't even the word.

The irony that I had never really had a Dad and now there were two volunteers to be my kid's Dad hadn't escaped me either. Well, maybe volunteers was kind've a lofty word considering they both just stormed out of my apartment.

It didn't matter. My little girl had me and she'd never be alone. She'd know how fucking loved she was no matter what ended up happening and I'd never leave her or hurt her. And now we both had Angel because I was sure that Angel would pull some strings at the law firm. Make sure that Wes didn't have any rights to my kid and that would be that. Maybe Xander would come home after he was done...doing whatever it was that he had gone out to do. I wanted him to come home, I wanted him here, I wanted him with me. I wondered if I'd ever get to tell him that. Fuck. I hoped he wasn't goin' to get drunk. We'd already gone down that road together and moved past it and I was hopin' that I hadn't pushed him back towards the bottle again.

What was one more thing to feel guilty about?

Please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now.

I walked back out of the small store with a twenty four block of beers and stuck them in the backseat. Shutting the door, I closed my eyes and wondered if I should just go back home and talk about this with her. She told me that I was the one she chose, but for so long, I thought that was my baby, part of me and now to have all of that taken away with one sentence ... I didn't think I could actually look at her tonight. I'd be back tomorrow, possibly, I wasn't sure, I didn't know. And now Spike was in the front seat of my car and I had to find out why they kept it from me this whole time. He could have at least told me right? He should have told me. Should have! But, he didn't and I was almost tempted to just say forget it. I guess part of me just didn't want to know. Alot of me didnt' want to know. But the small, scarce part wanted to know it all. Probably so I could just think about it and feel sorry for myself. I think I have that right, I should. I'm the guilty party, er, one person or something and now, I really needed to get out of here because standing in a parking lot? So not making anything better.

Opening the door, I got in the front seat and reached for my keys, turning the car on. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at Spike. He wasn't even looking at me. Oh, is that guilt! GOOD! Shaking my head, I pulled out and then into traffic. First hotel I saw, I was pulling in.

A few minutes of nothing but silence passed until I actually made a noise, actually, a letting out of a breath and kept my eyes on the road. It was as if I was alone in the car, Spike didn't make any noises, he was dead. Couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. Anything but keep secrets. Important secrets, secrets that I should have known about, but nope. They kept it all from me.

I saw a hotel coming up and I pulled in. Spike got out as well and lit up a cigarette while I went inside, getting myself a room. About ten minutes later, I walked back out and Spike was standing there, drinking a beer and gave me a look.

"Think I was goin' to pass it up?" He asked and looked at me sadly, or what seemed like it before turning around and grabbing the rest of the beer. I didn't even bring clothes. Then again, I didn't plan for this to happen. Didn't take us long to get into the room. I grabbed the beer and stuffed as much as I could into the fridge before grabbing one for myself and opening it. I sat down on the bed and he sat on the small desk they had in the room.

Felt like it was quiet forever, we didn't say anything, I just sat there, thinking about what she could be doing right now. She didn't seem that happy to see Wes, actually, not happy at all. I was worried about that. Worried and in the end ... she fucked me over. Fucked me over and like stepped on me. Crossing an arm over my chest, I just sat there. I couldn't even think of any words to say.

All I knew was that I thought I found something with Faith that I've always wanted with anyone, even her, but really? I never thought it would happen with her. This was all too good to be true and we were too happy. Too fucking happy and now this. Why did Spike have to tell her that ... we didn't? Why couldn't he just keep it all a secret? Glancing up, I tilted my chin and finished off the beer before tossing it in the trash and I got up, getting myself another one.

"Why did you have to tell Faith that ... we didn't. Couldn't see that we were happy? I ... thought we were," I asked him and stood there in front of him as I opened my beer, tossing the cap in the trash. He set his beer down and shrugged, crossing his arms as he sat there. "Think she had a right, everyone has a right to know ... well, not everyone see, but she did. What she did with the information was up to her."

"What about me? Don't you think that I should have known!? I mean, we ... she ... pregnant! Child! I thought was mine and now ... now she's not and how ..." Shaking my head, I sat back down on the bed and just leaned forward, trying to make sense of it all. I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid that if I did, I'd just break down and I didn't want to do that. We didn't say anything much more that night and Spike eventually asked if he could stay. Guess he didn't have anywhere else to go. I let him lay down and he turned on the tv. I left him alone and went out on the balcony and just thought.

All night long.
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